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With six months of rest from sanctioned play under their skates, Ohio Roller Derby came out swinging at their eleventh home season opener on March 19th.


Along with a new name and a few new faces on the roster, Ohio Roller Derby’s All Stars brought a new level of competition and tenacity to the track in their first game of the season against the Ann Arbor Derby Dimes (A2D2) Brawlstars. Both teams opted for a deep jammer pool, with Ohio fielding 6 jammers and A2D2 utilizing 8 over the course of the 39-jam contest.

OHRD started strong, with The Smacktivist quickly taking the first lead jammer status of the game to put up an uncontested 20 points while the Brawlstars lost their jammer to the penalty box. The Brawlstars tied up the score in the following jam, then eked out a 27-23 lead in jam 6. Ohio tightened their defenses, with Val Holla repeatedly hitting Brawlstar jammer Bex out of bounds and forcing her to pass the star, and was able to retake the lead with an 8-0 jam. With just over half the first period remaining and Ohio only up by 8 points, the Brawlstars looked to take advantage of a track cut call on Ohio’s jammer with their first power jam of the game; however, sticky blocking by Lora “Outa My” Wayman prevented Slamuel L. Jackson from obtaining lead, and The Smacktivist evaded A2D2 blockers with an apex jump to complete their initial pass upon returning to the track. In jam 11, the Brawlstars failed to field a jammer, giving Zee “Loraine Acid” Gulertekin plenty of time to post a 10-0 jam and widen Ohio’s lead to 52-34. The Brawlstars continued to experience jammer difficulties, as blocker pileup in jam 15 allowed The Smacktivist to run up the outside line and snag lead jammer status while Terror Misu received heavy hits from Stevie Brown before skating off on a back block penalty. The A2D2 jammer returned to the box twice for track cutting penalties in the remaining two jams of the half, accruing a total of 4 penalties in 5 jams and providing Ohio with four consecutive power starts. The Smacktivist and Zee “Loraine Acid” Gulertekin put up a combined 30 points to bring the halftime score to 98-56.

The second half saw OHRD holding A2D2 scoreless for the first four jams, slowly but surely widening the point differential. Tight blocking by both teams in jam 22 slowed gameplay to a near crawl, but Val Holla drew a track cut penalty on Bex before joining with Stevie Brown to sweep all four Brawlstar blockers out of the way of The Smacktivist as they racked up 19 points. Mixing up their rotation, the Brawlstars saw more luck with Fracture Mechanics taking the jammer line, and were able to respond to a few of Ohio’s scoring passes. Meanwhile, Bigg Rigg stole quick points while KloverKill and Kitty Liquorbottom frustrated the opposing jammer; Lora “Outa My” Wayman had no trouble obtaining lead jammer status, first as Burnadeath ensured Bex was out of bounds, and again with offensive plays by Jesse “Ava Tarr” Fox. Blitz Lemon played aggressive defense against Brawlstar jammers, preventing Slamuel L. Jackson from scoring in jam 31 and drawing a track cut penalty on Jodie Fister while Lora “Outa My” Wayman  put up 13 uncontested points in jam 35. Down by 100 points, Ann Arbor fought to close the 221-121 gap in the last minutes of the game, and squeezed out 18 points with back-to-back lead jammer statuses. Lora “Outa My” Wayman easily faked out Brawlstar blockers in the final jam to obtain lead, and two penalties assessed to the A2D2 jammer allowed Ohio to put up 23 uncontested points for a final score or 244-139.

MVPs for Ohio were The Smacktivist (jammer) and Stevie Brown (blocker). MVPs for Ann Arbor were Fracture Mechanics (jammer) and Michelle O’BombYa (blocker).

Official jamming and scoring for Ohio were: The Smacktivist (11-18, 152 pts); Lora “Outa My” Wayman (6-8, 51 pts); Zee “Loraine Acid” Gulertekin (2-7, 31 pts); Bigg Rigg (1-4, 7 pts); Burnadeath (1-1, 3 pts); and Kitty Liquorbottom (0-1, 0 pts). Ohio obtained lead jammer status 22 out of 39 jams.

Official jamming and scoring for Ann Arbor Derby Dimes were: Fracture Mechanics (4-6, 56 pts); Slamuel L. Jackson (6-12, 47 pts); Terror Misu (3-8, 16 pts); Bex (1-10, 14 pts); Dr. Maims U (0-2, 7 pts); Slamlet (0-1, 4 pts); Track Magic (0-1, 1 pt), and Jodie Fister (0-2, 0 pts).


Despite dwindling to about half its previous size for the second game of the evening, the crowd managed to be even louder than before, as OHRD’s Gang Green fought tooth and nail against A2D2’s Arbor Bruising Company for 60 action-packed minutes.

The first lead jammer status of the game went to A2D2’s Elle O’Hell, but she faced immoveable one-on-one blocking from Last Call Ta’Killya before picking up a back block penalty. Combined jammer efforts by TactiGal and Val Holla gave Gang Green a quick 10-7 lead. Karmabal Lectur’s speed held Sonnet Boom to only one point earned in jam 2, and Paige Bleed and Val Holla easily picked up back-to-back 4-0 jams in spite of Gang Green blocker penalties. The first lead change of the game came in jam 5, as the Arbor Bruising Co. posted 19 unanswered points to bring the score to 27-18 in their favor. Gang Green refused to let that slide; as the frontmost defender, team captain Sarah Sexton held up the opposing jammer just long enough for Karmabal Lectur to nab lead status, which kicked off an 8-jam lead streak for the Ohio team. Val Holla evened up the points with a 5-0 jam, and TactiGal and Paige Bleed doubled both Gang Green’s score and lead with 15-0 and 16-0 jams, respectively. A slew of penalties in jam 12 allowed A2D2 to close the gap to 66-52, but not without brutal blocking by Amanda Adams; they looked to use a power start to their advantage, but a back block call on their jammer left Val Holla free to steal lead and put up 14 points. With just under 9 minutes until halftime, the Arbor Bruising Company lost a skater to expulsion after an egregious high block on the Gang Green jammer, and spent the remainder of the period trying to regain lost ground as the Ohio squad grabbed lead 4 out of 6 jams. Rookie blocker Bruss Knuckles popped Yosemighty out of bounds before joining with Garden of Beatin’ and Adams to detain her while Val Holla rustled up another 5 points, bringing Gang Green’s halftime lead to 117-85.

Aiming to widen the 32-point lead in the second half, Quiet Storm opened a path up the inside line for Karmabal Lectur as Sonnet Boom headed to the box on a forearm penalty; however, subsequent penalties by both jammers lead to back-to-back two-minute jams and only a 3-point overall gain for Gang Green. Val Holla played defense as jammer before toeing her way up the outside line, and Sexton successfully drew a track cut on Yosemighty, who returned from the penalty only to sail out of bounds after huge hits from Lil’ Spitfire. An extended official timeout disrupted Gang Green’s momentum, and the Arbor Bruising Company put up an uncontested 31 points in two jams to retake the lead, 153-149. A string of Gang Green penalties allowed A2D2 to double those points over the next two jams, though not without interference by Foxy Force, Betty T. KayO, and Sexton that allowed Val Holla to receive a star pass and muscle through the middle of the pack on a scoring run. Gang Green steadily chipped away at the Arbor Bruising Company’s lead, using defensive jamming and smart offensive awareness to their advantage. Snapping up lead jammer status in jam 36, TactiGal narrowed the deficit to a mere 8 points, lapping the opposing jammer as Garden of Beatin’, Val Holla, Adams, and Lil’ Spitfire kept her occupied. Paige Bleed was able to slip between clusters of Arbor Bruising Company blockers, and OHRD fans went wild as she posted a 23-3 jam to put Gang Green back in the lead, 204-196. With a power start the following jam, A2D2 was able to get within just 2 points of Gang Green, but TactiGal increased the lead back to 9 points, shaking off opposing blockers with ease. With just over a minute of playtime remaining, Val Holla faced off against Skorpion and obtained lead status, but near-simultaneous penalties sent both of them to the penalty box. A second penalty gave Skorpion the final seconds of the game to fight for points unopposed, but the Arbor Bruising Company ultimately fell short by one point, giving Gang Green a 226-225 victory.

MVPs for Gang Green were Karmabal Lectur (jammer) and Betty T. KayO (blocker). MVPs for the Arbor Bruising Company were Sonnet Boom (jammer) and Mel Havelka (blocker).

Unofficial jamming and scoring for Gang Green were: Paige Bleed (7-11, 73 pts); Val Holla (7-11, 59 pts); TactiGal (3-8, 43 pts); Karmabal Lectur (4-10, 40 pts); Betty T. KayO (1-2, 9 pts); and Quiet Storm (1-1, 2 pts). Gang Green obtained lead jammer status 23 out of 40 jams.

Unofficial jamming and scoring for the Arbor Bruising Company were: Sonnet Boom (3-12, 82 pts); Yosemighty (3-10, 64 pts); Elle O’Hell (4-12, 47 pts); Skorpion (1-4, 32 pts); ShamWow (0-2, 0 pts); and Bombs Over Bacon (0-1, 0 pts).

Photographs by: Matthew Hatcher