1. You have a great derby name. How did you choose it?  

I really like derby names that play off a person’s real world job. Only I hated my job at the time, so I decided to use something that referenced my English major. That major had to pay off some time!

2. You work hard for the Ohio Roller Girls. Tell us about what you do for the league. 

I’m the Head Non-Skating Official (NSO). NSOs record all the good and bad things the skaters do, as called by the referees. As the Head NSO, I make sure all the other NSOs click their stopwatches, blow their whistles, and fill out their forms correctly.

3. How did you get involved with derby in the first place? 

I saw an ad for OHRG’s pre-inaugural-season holiday-themed bout in a weekly paper. My girlfriend and I thought human demolition derby sounded amazing, so we went. I was hooked. I was a fan-in-the-stands for the first two seasons until I was finally talked into putting down the beer and picking up a clipboard and stopwatch.

4. You write all of the witty copy for OHRG’s promo materials. Did you have to hone your witty genius or was it something you were just born with? 

I was raised by two wonderful, amazingly unfunny parents. Oh, they tried to be funny. They tried. That may have been what hurt the most. I have Monty Python and Looney Tunes to thank for starting me down the proper path.

5. I heard a rumor that you worked all 7 of the WFTDA tournaments last year. Is that true? 

That is true. It’s called “running the gauntlet.” It was crazy, fun, cost me my job, and left me wanting to do it again in 2014.

6. Besides ruling the dark underworld of derby officiating, what do you like to do in your spare time?

Haha! Spare time from derby! That’s cute. Whenever I’m not officiating for OHRG, I’m probably traveling to officiate for another league. On the rare derby-less night or weekend, I will probably be at a concert, reading, playing a game, or going to a nerd convention.

7. Which is the superior creature: unicorn or narwhal?* 

I’d have to say narwhal. I mean, neither would do well in the other’s environment, but the narwhal never has to go near land. Sooner or later though, that unicorn is going to have to get near some water to stay hydrated, then – KA-STAB!

8. What is your favorite derby moment from 2013? And what are you looking forward to in 2014? 

There were a lot of amazing derby moments in 2013, but my favorite by far was getting to load the OHRG logo onto the scoreboard at the WFTDA Championships. In 2014, I’m looking forward to doing it again.


*Note: There is only one acceptable answer. The Ohio Roller Girls are 100% narwhal proponents.

Interview by Chainsaw. Photos by YI Otter, Kit Ruff, Earl Sod, and Jules Doyle.

Copyright 2018 Ohio Roller Derby // Photos by Dorn Byg, Earl Sod, Joe Mac, Candace Moser-Stafford, & Others Where Credited // All Rights Reserved